Welcome to the home of the
“I am not Haraam” project - a blog created for
LGBTQ Muslims by LGBTQ Muslims.

Haraam is an Arabic word used in Islam to mean “forbidden”. This project has been started as a way for LGBTQ Muslims to stand up and proclaim that we will not allow our existence as LGBTQ Muslims to be erased any longer.
We are not kafirs, we are not deviant, our existence is not a sin. This is our space to say:

Call for submissions
We’re calling for any Muslim who identifies as part of the LGBTQ spectrum to submit to this blog. Allies and supportive families of LGBTQ Muslims are also welcome and encouraged.
The theme for submissions is quite simply,
“I am not haraam”
(or “my son/daughter/lover/sibling is not haraam”).

We’d like you to share what it means for you to be an LGBTQ Muslim. You can tell us about your struggles, your everyday life, anything that makes you, you!

Submissions can take any form; text posts, audio posts, art work, poetry, video etc.

How do I submit? You can submit by clicking on “submit” at the top of the page or by emailing iamnotharaam@gmail.com

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to message us.
Please note: This is a positive space for LGBTQ Muslims. We will not publish or respond to any negative or hateful remarks. We will not respond to any message asking us to justify our existence as LGBTQ Muslims.
Asker Anonymous Asks:
But how do I know if I am lesbian or not? I like males but I also think I may be in love with my best friend who is a girl.. How do I know if I love someone..?
iamnotharaam iamnotharaam Said:

Honestly, if you were in love with someone, you wouldn’t need to ask. You’d know. 

Edit: The thing is, there is no specific criterion on what makes ‘love’. It’s something personal for everyone (sidenote: a big part of relationships is navigating you and your partner’s expectations of love). At some point, you decide that what you feel is love. Go at your own pace, and don’t over think it. Crossing the line and saying “I’m in love”, that’s not something you think about. It just happens. 

Also, don’t worry about needing to label yourself, or needing to conform to a label. You can figure that out at a slow pace.

Also also, from doctormemelordmd:

It could also simply be the case that you are attracted to men and women. Whatever the case, you are not unusual :)

Very true. 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
sorry if this is too personal, but how do you and bee deal with being of different faiths? or does it not come up very often/isn't an issue. What will you do about children if that's even part of the picture. I'm a muslim and even though i don't plan to marry, my parents said that marrying a non muslim is haram. I'm not tryna be the haram police on u bw. Your iman game is hella strong and i respect you so much. sorry if this has been asked before btw have a good Ramadan!
iamnotharaam iamnotharaam Said:


Salaam alaikum and no worries at all, this isn’t too personal. I’ve never been asked this on tumblr, so thanks for the opportunity!

I admit it used to be a problem, especially since I was pretty determined to introduce her to the religion in hopes she’d convert. I’d talk about kids and toss around Arabic names like mine.
Through the years though, I realized I enjoyed talking about religion and faith as its own entity, no strings attached. Telling her about Islam stopped having any sort of underhanded connotation, it was telling her about myself, the same way I could tell her the latest fashions I was interested in. And she would tell me about her spirituality, her small brushes with Wicca and her interest in Western astrology. She would tell me my horoscopes of the day and I would tell her ayat from the Qur’an.
It wasn’t even about religion after a while, it was about us, where we’d been, what our families were like, our history before we met.
It became liberated and without expectation.

If or when the time comes and we consider kids, I want to introduce them to us, their parents. To love them in a way that is religious and cultural and spiritual, to love them in a way that is purely me and her. They will be built on the foundation of our experiences, but, like my journey with Bee, I want them liberated and without expectation.

As far as whether or not if our relationship is haraam, the fact we’re both girls is already something that invalidates us to many Muslims. But that’s between us and Allah (swt), who has already intertwined my life with hers.

This is in response to a question we recieved, about whether or not a person’s sexuality can change over time. The person didn’t want their information published, so it seems relevant to address the larger point. Can sexuality change if it’s something Allah gave us?

Read More

I’m sure you’ve all been watching the ongoing attack on Gaza. At the time of this writing, there are nearly 200 dead, and over 1300 injured. And that number is still going up, despite the rumors of a potential cease fire. You can find a good source of on the ground by following Mohammed Omer on Twitter.

Ramadan is the time that we remember those who are suffering, those who are less fortunate than us. Even if a cease fire is realized, it won’t change the basic facts on the ground: the slow annihilation of Gaza, Gaza’s civil society has called on everyone to help change this situation through Boycott Divestment, and Sanctions of the State of Israel for war crimes. Our prayers matter, but so do our actions, here is some information about taking part in the consumer boycott yourself. 

And we should remember that there are Muslims suffering all over the world right now. Bombs are still falling in Aleppo, Shia are fleeing for their lives in Iraq, and Rohingya Muslims are being denied their basic rights on multiple fronts. We should keep all those suffering in our prayers, thoughts, and, when possible, our actions. May Allah have mercy on them. And may he listen to all our prayers this Ramadan. 


MenKind: Conversations for and about Fluid Men of Color
is an ongoing discussion group in Brooklyn NYC for Bisexual, Bi-curious, and 'Fluid' Men of Color, envisioned as an open forum with some discussion topics, and a safe space for men of color who conceive of their identity -inclusive of sexuality but not limited to- as 'Fluid' or otherwise on the continuum. Upcoming Meetings + Topics include:

  • Thursday 10 July - How Fluid are you? -Part 2
  • Tuesday 29 July - In Relationship: love, Life, Sex, and the Search for Meaningful Connection
  • Tuesday, August 19 - Manhood, Masculinity, and Myth: The Performance of a Life Time
  • Tuesday, September 9 - Recognize: Voices of Bisexual Men -An Anthology
  • Tuesday, September 30 - Bi-Women/Bi-Men Exchange
  • and more to come … 

FluidBIDesign is envisioned as a advocacy group and a community for (Bisexual) Men of Color. We meet in Brooklyn NYC USA.

The purpose is to create forum for the study and exchange of ideas, a safe and supportive space for the sharing of personal experiences related to negotiating our lives within a fluid context, and a community of like minded creative individuals interested in both raising and broadening the level of discussion around identity, manhood, and masculinity….

They say "if you build it they will come"… Looking for a similarly minded brothas, fluid by design and by choice, to build this with me…

For ALL Bisexual/Non-monosexual, Queer, Questioning + Bi-affirming people in the NYC Tri-state Area

For ALL Bisexual/Non-monosexual, Queer, Questioning + Bi-affirming People of Colour

SIgnal Boost

Quick note. I cannot privately answer questions sent to me anonymously. If you want a private answer, please send me the q with your name, and a request for it to be private.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Salaam, I was wondering if I could get advice on marriage and stuff ?
iamnotharaam iamnotharaam Said:

Sure, what do you need?

Asker Anonymous Asks:
do you answer all your asks?
iamnotharaam iamnotharaam Said:

We try to. i have to admit we haven’t gotten to a few recent ones. I’m making efforts to go through them all this Ramadan, and keep up with the questions I get. 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
My girlfriend is an atheist. I am not very visible with my practice, yet she knows that I believe deeply. She still struggles to avoid openly mock non-atheists. I do not know how to pray about this or how to talk to my girlfriend. What do you advise?
iamnotharaam iamnotharaam Said:


Well, I have to confess I’m not the best at relationship advice. But, before you do anything, asking God for guidance wouldn’t be a bad idea.

In practice, it’s simple. Say, ‘God, I don’t know what to do about this. I’m lost, and I need your guidance. Guide me, God. I am yours. Where ever you say I should go, what ever you say I should do. I’ll do.’

But here’s the tricky part: you have to mean that. Asking for guidance means giving up the notions of where you think you should go. It means surrendering your will for God’s. 

Sometimes it’s hard to do. Sometimes we ask for guidance knowing full well where we want to go. But where we want to go, and where we need to go, are sometimes different places.

And really, who better to guide you. God knows your heart, and your girlfriend’s. He can see your past and destiny. And, if He guides you, there is no force in the Universe that can lead you astray.

Best wishes,


One day, the Prophet (SAW) came across a friend, Zahif (SAW), shopping or selling something in the market place. The Prophet (SAW) then grasped him from behind. Zahir was shocked, and tried to break free, until he saw who it was. The Prophet (P) joked that he would sell Zahir (P) as a slave. Zahir (P) joked that he was unsellable, And he was told that to Allah, he had great worth.

I think about this exchange this Ramadan, especially when I hear Muslims talk of ‘idle talk’. It’s become fashionable to publicly abstain from ‘idleness’ this Ramadan. It’s a worthy pursuit, But what do we mean by idle talk? What does it mean to be consumed by trivial matters of this world with no effect on the next?

I’m going to propose something radical: nothing — nothing — done in kindness to another is idle. Even if an act of kindness seems trivial, it isn’t. A stray cat meows outside your window. It’s no effort to put milk (or water) in a plate and put it outside. But there is a woman who will sit in heaven for nothing more than giving a dog water out of her shoe. 

I think about the Prophet (P) and Zahir (P), joking around in the marketplace. It’s something I’d expect kids to do, grabbing each other in jest and friendship Kids don’t need to be told about this behavior. They instinctively get how to act like this. How to just be kind to one another. Even in the most silly, trivial, ‘idle’ way possible.

There are a thousand ways into Heaven. Allah is merciful for giving us this. we can fast, pray, remember Him and ask for guidance. But the way we remember him in this world is how we interact with others. The way of kindness is broad, encompassing small and large, short term and long. It’s such a core value in Islam, weaved through the sunnah and the pillars. And I thank Allah for granting it to us. 

And the best way to thank Allah for granting us kindness, is to show it others. Nothing idle about that.